you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
