The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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