My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
