Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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