just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
