is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
