I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
