Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
