hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
