Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
