i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
