Kiss
Puke
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
