I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
