wakey wakey hands off snakey
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize