We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
