Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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