somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize