Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
