I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
