no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
