Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
