I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
