just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
