Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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