we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize