Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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