I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
