Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
