the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The air taste purple.
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