Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
