we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
