the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
