I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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