I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
