I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
