Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
