Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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