is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
