Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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