I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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