Dual....:-)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
