I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
