I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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