You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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