she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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