She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
