On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
