But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i love accidental penises.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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