Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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