My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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