david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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