yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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