You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
