last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
