My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
party gras won. party gras always wins.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize