i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
