if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
