When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize