I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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