My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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