im drinking this country out of the recession.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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