We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize