Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
pop tarts are not kleenex
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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