did you get engaged???
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
