1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
