Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
