I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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