Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
